TRUE TEACHING, TRUE TEACHER

Speaking of "I's" and "We's" we don't often realize how much the practice means to us. Sometimes we come to Tuesday Night or other events, and during meditation or the Dharma Lecture we fall asleep, or nod off lazily into a dream-state. Those are the most crucial moments, the places that the teaching is really sinking in, where it really becomes a teaching. There really isn't anything we can share about Dharma. Dharma is what comes out of your own understanding, your own insight, your own awakening. So when you drift off during the talk, it means it's penetrating, it's absorbing directly into the subconscious, into store-conscious, where ego mind will not have the chance to put a label on it, to put another appearance on it, and what has been said is a clear transmission, one mind to another mind, all minds one.

The practice can save your life. Those times we disregard what has been said, or we make light of it by telling jokes, making judgements, or saying, "I've heard that already!" Perhaps this misunderstanding comes from ignorance, of not having a direct experience with the power of mindfulness, concentration and insight. When applied, these teachings, these true teachings will empower you, without even thinking, without even trying. You'll hear my voice, or Thay's voice speaking through you, "Listen, listen. I have arrived. I am home. In the here. In the now. I am solid. I am free. The world is your meditation hall. Your life is the practice."

The cells of your body will chant the Heart Sutra. Sitting by the side of someone you love whom is dying or is sick you feel the solidity of the sangha, and it makes itself available. The sangha body in you will support you, will walk when you cannot walk, will sit when you cannot sit, will smile when you cannot smile, and will tenderly embrace you when you are crying or need of comfort.

We don't know the power of sangha. We don't know the power of the True Teaching. It cannot be taught. It cannot be grasped. It is beyond what we can administer through the senses. And it is alive. It is vital. It is clear, penetrating every cell of our body, enfused in our heart and our consciousness.

It is amazing how many times we struggle to embrace the sangha within us. We don't want to see the support we have in our lives. We want to continue on this path of anger, revenge, resentment, even hatered, jeolousy and fear. We proclaim through our actions, "Waking up is not for me! I'd rather be sleep-walking, sleep-talking, sleep-making love." And we look in despair at our lives, "What is going on? Why can't I be happy? Where has my energy gone?" We don't look at our lives and wonder, "Maybe I'm responsible for my own suffering. Maybe I've contributed a great deal to the suffering on this planet. Maybe there is something I can do better?"

Guilt and shame is a product of delusive-self. It points us to the other, as if the other isn't a part of us. It points to the other as if they can take full responsibility for who we are, what we have said, what we have done. If you have guilt and shame, it is a wonderful teaching. If you want change in your world...change! Be that which you desire, and what you desire will manifest in you.

EMPTINESS IS EVERYTHING

Six last week we talked about the fourth mindfulness training: Loving Speech and Deep Listening. Haven't taken the chance to post the talks...last Tuesdays nor the talk on Saturday. Perhaps we can practice Deep Listening this week...looking forward to meeting with you all. No meeting next Tuesday...four of us will be in New York with Thay for "Sitting Under the Autumn Breeze Retreat." Thanks for the memories!

TODAY'S GARBAGE, TOMORROW'S FOOD

Six this week, sat and walked two sessions facing the wall. Read the Third Mindfulness Training, and talked about sex and sexuality. Tough topic! Most just skim over it, and get into all kinds of troubles because they don't know how to handle it, with kindness, with respect, with reverence. We sorted through and addressed some heavy issues. I attempted to tell the story of where I am with the Third Training. Difficult things to say, to put into words. We talked about the three vital energies and how each apply to well being: Breath Energy, Sexual Energy and Spiritual Energy. We also talked about sexual abuse, and what it means to prevent children and others from being sexually abused. What is sexual abuse? What are we really a victim of?

Breathing in, aware of my in-breath
Breathing out, calm mind and body

Meditation isn't a practice at all. It is doing without purpose. Doing without self. Doing without doing. If there is nothing to do, then what can be done? And who shall do it? Practice means tomorrow. Meditation is today. This moment is "arising only." Don't be fooled by the myriad of colors projecting. BE THERE, AND ONLY THERE!

MINDFUL ANECDOTE

One day at the monastery I was asked to sing a song in front of the Sangha of about two-hundred retreatants. I had never sung in front of the Sangha before. Thay Phap Hai (Who I would ask to be my mentor several months later) called me up in front to sing in the microphone. I whispered to him, "Can you sound the bell so I can calm down?" He looked at me and grinned, "Sorry."

I had to resort to myself. My breathing. My practice. So I stood there patiently. Breathing in a calming breath, and releasing the fire back to its source on the out breath. And I waited for the song to sing itself.

This is the practice. We want always to be the doers. And when we are asked to do something, we don’t feel we have the calm, or the lucidity to perform. So we procrastinate. We deviate from the path thinking that the path is somewhere else, other than within our own means.

Mindfulness is the path. Is the awakening itself. Seek it within you. Seek it outside of you. Seek it, and it will be there. It is always there. Where it comes from? I don’t know. Just use it. Learn with it. Grow with it. Use it to transform your suffering, your anger, your anxiety, your worries, your pain.

How to use it...come to Tuesday Nights!

Lin and I sat for two periods of sitting and walking meditation, then watched a DVD about Thay’s trip to Vietnam called ‘Every Step Is a Prayer’.

TRUE LOVE

Goddesses in the house this Tuesday. Six and one made seven, plus two newly groomed cats. Walking downstairs to meet the Tuesday-nighters I never know what to expect. The mystery is exciting! It keeps me on my toes. And that's the practice...that's life. How can we ever know what to expect? When is there ever a time of certainty? True power is living in the moment, staying present with what is available in the here and now. And this is also love. When we love someone or something we are willing to go all the way with them, we are willing to stay as they are fading, and meet them in their continuation. Love does not make a distinction between self and other. That is an important practice-to remove our notions of self and other. When we are able to touch our interconnectedness, our oneness with all life--that is true power. That is true love. That is truly living. We are never absent from life, and we have the motivation, the assurance in our practice, in our way of being, in our way of walking and surrendering to life. We had a few questions at the end. And a version of the "Lord's Prayer" sung by Sister Beverlee. So beautiful! So precious. Life is truly a miracle. Thank you all for making this journey a pleasure and a joy.

Listen to "TRUE LOVE"

PEACE MEDITATION

A jungle must never be tamed.
If we tame the jungle, we tame our heart.
If our heart is tame, we may never know the truth of who we are.

Four of us met for sitting and walking meditation. We sat informally and practiced walking through the kitchen. The miracle of each step unfolded a mystery. What is this journey of meditation? What 'r' you doing here? Why come to Tuesday Night at all?
It seems all of us want to have peace. We think that peace means fitting in. We think that peace means looking and acting in such a way that doesn't cause anyone to be mad at us, or upset, or causes us to loose control. But what control do we have?

Mind is utterly untamable. Society, government wants us to be tame. That is because the collective has an idea that freedom means controlled, that to be free, is to be manageable. So we live our lives trying to be free in this way, trying to look and act in a way so others can manage us, so that we can manage others.

We are seeking control, but our very core is uncontrolled. How can we control something that is more powerful than us, something that is beyond our perception? Freedom is accepting what is. We go to the mountain, we go to the forest, we go to the ocean to meet our peace. Because in these places, these great places, we are so small, we cannot help but to submit, to converge, to swim in that untamable-ness. Peace, freedom, meditation, zen is not what you think it is. Try again.

Listen PEACE MEDITATION

SANGHA

Two things I keep in mind maintaining Tuesday Nights are My Teacher, Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh; and my aspiration to remove the barrier between self and other. What more can be said? When we come to sangha meetings we are ingesting that support, that love, that kindness, that commitment to learn and grow and foster understanding. Practicing alone we meet the sangha in us. No time can we say we are without sangha, if we truly understand what sangha is.

Lin and I spent a few days at the beach in Sothern California. I was tempted to not come home. I admit to getting angry. I admit to being sad, throwing a tantrum because we had to leave in order to get home in time for our Tuesday meeting. I felt a pull in my heart. I thought of my teacher, of the sixty years Thay has dedicated to building sangha, and of the commitment I've made as an ordained lay member of the Order of Interbeing Thay founded nearly four decades ago. What it means to take refuge in Buddha, in Dharma, in Sangha -- it means never to part from it. It means to come home to ourselves in it again and again, until the barrier, all barriers are removed.

I used to work so hard to practice thinking another round of retreats or sitting meditation would get me to enlightenment. Enlightenment is no destination at all. How can we attain that which is already our nature? Buddha, Dharma, Sangha and Self are one. I see no other looking back at me. I see no other showing me the way to be free. I sit because it is the expression of my sovereignty.

I was happy to be a part of our meeting this Tuesday for sitting and walking meditation. Seven of us met and recited the Five Mindfulness Trainings after chanting the Sutra Opening Verse and the Heart Sutra. We continued into introducing ourselves with one thing we were grateful for and singing as a group, "Happiness is Here and Now."

Looking forward to spending the month in Las Vegas, opening the door every Tuesday Night for Sangha. Plan to spend most of September and October touring around with Thay. Blessings Everyone!

OPENING THE HEART OF COMPASSION

Three of us participated in our wonderful sangha events this Tuesday. We sat and walked together in mindfulness, and were guided during the second half through the practice anapanasati, Full Awareness of Breathing. We continued into chanting Sutra Opening Verse, Heart Sutra, and took turns mindfully reading The Store of Precious Virtues Discourse: Practice of the Highest Understanding. We concluded with a talk on the sixteen exercises of Full Awareness of Breathing and Stillness Meditation.

Listen to Opening the Heart of Compassion

ENVIRONMNETS FOR PEACE

This week seven people attended, some regulars, two new people and one not so regular anymore. We did our two sessions of sitting and walking followed by a sutra service including the recitation of the Discourse on the Lotus of the Wonderful Dharma: Universal Door Chapter. We each took turns reading four or five paragraphs it was sweet and wonderful. I lead a guided meditation on aspirations and gave a short talk in which I did not record on aspirations. About practicing from the heart, allowing the energy of the mind to drain like butter down your arms. To soften the mind, soften the body, soften the aspiration in the heart. An aspiration is like a key that opens the door of our consciousness, and with assurance, with obstacles removed we walk inside. How wonderful to have a sangha to practice with, to encourage this practice. Mindfulness is a searchlight that illumines the dark places in us, and in our lives, so that we can see more clearly, to unearth the root causes of our fear, anxiety, worry and strife. Practice from the heart.

FAITH AND LOVE

Most of us can't afford the expense of enlightenment. We hold dear to us the very thing that prevents us from seeing the truth: Our Views. Yes, we all have strong views about things and won't often budge. Enlightenment isn't just a tool that gets us through the day, or that will deliver us into a state of feeling alright with life and the things that go on it! We have reason to be angry. We have reason to be sad. Our range of human emotion is an expression of what we desire.

This week three of us met for Tuesday Night Group, we sat spread out in the Buddha Hall, two rows, two cushions each row, two filled, and one sitting on the couch. After sitting and walking we recited the Opening Chant and the Heart Sutra and read the "Flower Garland Discourse: The Ten Great Aspirations of Samantabhadra Bodhisattva."

There was nervousness in me, is this new setup working? Who cares? I do. I want this experience to work, for me as the facilitator, for our members, for our tradition, and for our spiritual ambition. What brings you to meditation? That is an important question, but it may not have an answer. It may just be a driving force that brings you to where you need to go. If it is not working, then why go? There will be another place to sit. There will be another place to walk.

Here I am writing very early in the morning. I took a nap for a half-hour or so around 8:30 p.m., went up to bed soon thereafter, but couldn't get to sleep. I've had a lot of energy in the evenings, particularly now that we are in the hottest months. I tried to sit, but couldn't work it out.

Our daily life can work for enlightenment, only if it works. If it doesn't work for you, then you need to do the practice. You need to do the practice anyway! When I say practice, I mean deep looking. I mean settling down, slowing down, stopping enough so you can hear what is going on inside of you. This is not easy. I don't know anyone in Las Vegas, or anywhere else in the country who has accomplished this. Maybe for an instant we feel calm, collected, refreshed, and then BAM it hits us! The same ole sarcasm, criticism, judgement of ourselves and others, stress, hurrying, gotta do something quick or else...or else what? Might we die? Might we see ourselves? Might someone see us?

It might be important to look at this. What brings us back to the cushion? When everything else has been explored, our padded seat, wherever it might be, waits for us patiently as if it weren't ever in a hurry to feel our cheeks again. It knows one day we'll be back...we can't resist!

CALMING THE WAR INSIDE

Have you noticed your in-breath and out-breath today? Tuesday goers met this Tuesday for two rounds of sitting and walking meditation. We recited the Heart Sutra and read the Sutra on the Eight Realizations of the Great Beings. Four of us attended: Bev, Lin, Tom and Me, and Mar joined us for the last half. I gave a Dharma Talk about "Zen and the Sacred Fire." My commitment is to allow at least two hours of contemplative practice a day. The value of spiritual practice, and of developing the spiritual life is becoming more and more apparent. The military is now recruiting at our local theaters...I don't want to be the next soldier to die in Iraq, or anywhere in the world, but I already am.

Most of us are inflicted with the wounds of this war, and all wars, but do not know it. It is not only costing the lives of living beings on the battlefield in the Middle East, but also the battlefield in our body and mind. I see war all over the place, the movies we watch, the T.V. programs, billboards, relationships, magazines, books...the energy we have spent on war is great, far surpassing the budget of the U.S. Defense Department, it is wearing down our spirit. If you are caught in anxiety, in fear, in worries, in anger, in jealousy, in despair, take a look, you may have the mark of war in you. I would like to be of the first generation of my family to not be threatened with having to fight a war outside. That possibility is waning everyday the war in Iraq and elsewhere progresses. I've just begun to touch the war inside. For so long I have been avoiding it. And how it has controlled me, made me victim to it, has trampled my peace, my love, my happiness.

Make little distinction between the war outside and the war inside, both mirror each other, both feed each other. Peace is available, but to have peace, we cannot close our eyes to the countless victims of this war. Inside and Outside do not make a difference. Fight the war inside. Cultivate Love, Happiness, Deep Looking. Look until you cry. Look until you face the demons inside eye to eye. Look until you see that you are not alone in this work of love, and that just one time of looking, can save the lives of countless beings. Pray for peace by living peace, by becoming the message and the messenger.

If you would like to join me in the commitment to practice, we can do this through our blog or through making more times to practice together and support each other as a sangha. Feel free to e-mail times you will be able to commit to practice peace. This is time for you. You clear off your schedule to meditate and pray. Your prayer may be a prayer of action as long as it brings you joy, and as long as it cultivates love. I recommend at least an hour of meditation and prayer everyday. It is not unusual to not fit spiritual practice into your daily life. It is true that our life can be our practice. But the pressures of our world seem overwhelming. And we need a time to listen to ourselves. The noises are great in our head. It is the voice of the heart we often neglect, and that is not the voice we hear usually at our neighborhood shopping center, or in our place of employment. This is a dedication to listen.

E-mail me with a time you can set aside everyday, it can vary from day to day as long as you have made yourself wholeheartedly available. Then start practicing. Don't wait for a gathering, the sangha is in you, and you can receive our support whenever you need it. I will keep a log and check-in personally with you as much as I can. Feel free to post a comment about your practice on this blog as well. All you have to do is press the little comment link below the posting. It will take you to a page that gives you an option 'Post a Comment'.

Here's the link to the talk I gave...I hope it works!
http://www.briankimmel.com/audio/-HOUSE_OF_LOVE-2.m3u

ENCOURAGING LOVE

This week we sat in formal Zen style, facing the wall in two neat rows, three seats to each row. Two of those seats were filled: Me and Tom. Together we practiced two sessions of sitting and walking meditation, then read a Sutra on the Three Dharm Seals. Wonderful! I wore my grey robe (Ahn Trang) the first time I have worn it since coming home from Vietnam. I look forward to meeting everyone, new friends and old, to join us at our new July time 6:30 - 8 :30 p.m. The weather is pretty hot, I know, and the weather people say to stay inside and off the roads, but if you can make it we'd love to have you with us. Let's toghether support a collective awakening in this heated-up world!